Just imagine, it's Sunday and you feel like going to the theater to watch a movie. You ask your friend to go with you. But he turns you down saying 'I don't feel like it today, we'll go another time.'
You may wonder what is so strange about this? The strange thing is that last week when your friend wanted to go to the mall, despite not being in the mood, you went along because you didn't want to upset your friend. Last weekend you were having a friend shift at home, but you had a lot of important work of your own to do.
This means that you are available for your friend's every need and desire, but he is not. Do you feel this touching you too? If yes then you are becoming a victim of manipulation.
today' relationship' column we will talk about manipulation in friendship. How do you know if you are being manipulated in a friendship? You will also know that-
- How can you avoid manipulation?
- How to learn to say 'no' sometimes in friendship?
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is an English word, which means to control others for your benefit. Although it happens that we can get what we want and fulfill our own interests by manipulating others, it is also very dangerous.
Psychologists George H. Green and Caroline Cotter write in their book 'Stop Being Manipulated' that manipulation has a very negative effect on the mental health of the person being manipulated. But at the same time, manipulating others is equally dangerous for mental health.
How to spot signs of manipulation in friendships Many times we are so immersed in friendship that we do not realize that we are being manipulated. A friend can manipulate you into doing things, force you to agree to his wishes, control you.
Gaslighting can lead to rifts in friendships
Psychoanalyst and author Dr. Robin Stern has written a book on manipulation, 'The Gaslight Effect.' In this he explains how to spot hidden manipulation. How to avoid being controlled by it. First of all, know what gaslighting is in any relationship or friendship.
What is gaslighting? Gaslighting does not mean using a gaslighter or turning on a light. It actually means, 'to manipulate someone, to change his mind. Making him believe things that are not true. The term was first used by English playwright and novelist Patrick Hamilton in his British thriller play 'Gas Light'. This was followed by a film on it in 1944, which showed how a husband manipulates his wife to get rid of her. He tells her many lies and raises questions about her mental health.
Learn about gaslighting and its features in the tips below-
- Gaslighting in friendship can be called a form of psychological abuse. Here a person tries to change others according to his thoughts and feelings, so that he can fulfill his interests.
- Dr. According to Robin Stern, gaslighting is a covert form of manipulation. It can completely change your thoughts.
- Some common symptoms of gaslighting can include talking negatively, trying to change memories, using a friend for your own benefit, etc.
- A friend may say negative things to you, such as 'You can't do anything or you're always doing something wrong.'
According to a 2020 study by the National Library of Medicine, if we don't maintain healthy boundaries in relationships and fall victim to manipulation, it negatively affects our physical and mental health.
How to Say 'No' in Friendship How to deal when someone manipulates you
Many times some things seem bad to us, but we don't understand how to oppose that thing. Either we bear everything silently, remain angry inside or one day suddenly become very angry.
Dr. Zafar Khan says that both these behaviors are not healthy. Neither toleration nor silence is right. We must set healthy boundaries. For this we must have the right language. How it will be, understand from some examples given below-
If you don't like someone's behavior or feel like you're being manipulated, say so instead of being silent, angry, loud, scared or nervous.
- I did not like your behavior at all.
- Never talk to me in this language.
- I don't let anyone talk to me in this language.
- I don't think a good friend would ever speak this language.
- Maybe you are not a good friend.
- I don't like my 'no' not being respected. If you are a friend you should respect my feelings.
- It is not an hour. This is a precious hour, which I want to spend as I wish.
- Good friends never force anything. You don't fit the definition of a good friend.
Image Credit: (Divya-Bhaskar): Images/graphics belong to (Divya-Bhaskar).
